Part 3. From Slow Burn to Return - A Dental Hygienist's Journey Back to Herself.

Part 3 - The Pivot 

Following my departure from the operatory, I could feel that my body needed a full on reset. I took mornings slow, I allowed myself to be instead of do. I began what I like to call my “detox.” It was a month or so filled with walks (really long walks), meditation, rage cleaning my house, coffee and lunch dates with friends, and just reconnecting with my spirit.

I spent that first month (and subsequent months) trying to rekindle my inner flame. 

Towards the end of that month, I began accepting opportunities and setting up meetings with potential clients. 

During my Pivot, I often landed in meetings, board rooms, and zoom calls with all kinds of interesting people - all of them ready to hear about how I could support their endeavors. I listened to their needs and dreams, and retorted back with how I could best support their journey. 

During that time, I struggled with the existential questions of:

How did I get here?

Who do I think I am?

What am I even doing? 

I have an education, I have a trade…but I’m so happy doing my own thing. 

My days were now filled with social media content work for small businesses and nonprofit organizations, website updates for clients, curriculum support for private and public entities, and instructing and serving at my indoor cycling studio. 

I landed in a safe spot. 

This is it. I’m doing it. I encouraged myself. 

I survived, and now I get to fully work for myself. I told myself. 

As I settled into my business endeavors I learned that while I enjoyed working for myself, I needed structure. I would catch myself falling behind on deadlines and saying yes to too many things at once. After a month or so of this, I set up a weekly rhythm - one that gave me space to work on my business, work for my clients, and be present with my family. 

Working as social media and curriculum support was fruitful, but it is not the line of work in which one feels and sees the immediate, tangible impact of their efforts. The ROI takes longer to see, but it is necessary and meaningful work. And I enjoyed learning so much about various industries. My brain has always been happiest when it’s learning. 

I still managed and instructed at the cycling studio. My safe space. I could move joyfully, process emotions that I’d pushed down for so long, and serve my community from a raw but real place. 

There were days I would miss the operatory and miss connecting with patients. As a dental hygienist, the visible results of my work were obvious. Not just before and after appointments, but also in the journey of walking with patients from disease to stability. 

Some things I didn’t miss?

The “I only want what my insurance covers” chat. 

The “is it time for x-rays againnnn” question. 

The “how long is this going to take” statement/question. 

But there were also things I missed. 

Catching up with patients about their lives, kids, and so much more.

Seeing the same kiddos I’d seen for so long, establishing their safe dental home and becoming their Miss Nina. 

Educating my patients about their home care and what would best serve them. 

I would run into patients out in the real world. When they would ask where I went, I saved them the long version and told them, “I am working for myself now, I just needed a change of pace.” 

Coworkers would ask, “what do you want us to say when they ask where you went?” 

Not everyone understood what I was pursuing, why I left, and how someone like me could just walk away from a career she’d worked so hard to build. Everyone in my life knew I was passionate about dental hygiene, so why on Earth would I leave? I get it, it’s not every day that someone blows up their career and changes lanes. 

They don’t have to get it.

They don’t need an explanation. I would tell myself. 

I was enjoying building my business and I was enjoying supporting others in my efforts. I landed in circles with people willing to teach me, willing to support me, and willing to grow with me. I met some of the most incredible people during this time - all starting out as clients and becoming friends in the process. 

One day I'd be on a ladder catching the perfect angle for a content shoot, the next day I would be in a board room talking about brand positioning and target audiences. And the next day I'd get in a long walk before plugging in. I loved the variety. My mind (and body) did not get that kind of variety working in clinical care.

The same people that walked with me through The Slow Burn and The Leap were the ones who constantly uplifted me and mentioned my name in circles they knew I could work in.

I learned that I was still valuable outside of the operatory. 

This season was tiring, but in a different way. I was tired from pursuits of my own choosing. Content shoots, branding meetings, zoom calls, revisions and edits, and anything else that I could deliver on. I set up my non-negotiables and boundaries with clients to protect my schedule and capacity - and, to my surprise, the majority of the world just operates this way. It was refreshing to have my voice heard and respected. 

I enjoyed landing big wins for clients and I was finally able to celebrate my own wins. 

My biggest win: I survived the unknown, and learned that I am more capable than I thought.

Everything is figure-out-able. 

For the first time, I provided that clarity and connection to myself instead of waiting for an employer to do it for me.

This time away from the operatory wasn’t a clean and clear break from my dental brain. 

I stayed up to date on continuing ed courses, I stayed in touch with colleagues, and I kept everything current. I met with clinicians who were curious about my burnout journey and were potentially walking through their own. I was still the go-to for many colleagues regarding best practices, standards of care, and where to find the research or connection they were looking for. 

One of the most important things I did during my clinical break was rejoin my professional association, American Dental Hygienists’ Association. I had let my membership lapse in the throes of burnout but I thought, “when and if I go back to the operatory I want my profession’s efforts to continue, I want to return to a profession that still has integrity and forward motion.” For me, my annual membership fee was a way of upholding the oath I took in dental hygiene school, even if I wasn’t practicing at the time. 

As opportunities and work flowed to and through me, the dental whispers came back in. 

Clinical opportunities found their way to me. I declined many opportunities for clinical care, but it kept happening. Some were for consulting support, and others were for direct clinical care. I saw these as signs that perhaps my journey in dentistry was not yet finished. Perhaps I could still find impact in this profession that I once loved so much. 

I found myself wondering, am I really done?

What if there’s still more to my story?

Would dental hygiene always be the same?

Is it too soon? Am I still recovering? 

But I realized that my separation from the clinical side of dental hygiene gave me the grace and space to separate from the conditions that were so triggering before - the conditions that led to my burnout. 

In therapy I’d made tremendous progress working through the effects burnout had on my mind, body and soul. I’d been able to process and release the losses and setbacks. I’d been able to turn off the fight or flight mode that my body was stuck in for so long. I wasn’t going to bed or waking up in panic mode and I wasn’t dreading the Sunday evenings. I was creating, I was learning, and I was re-wiring my brain to trust myself. 

Burnout didn’t just exhaust my body -  it numbed my connection to myself.

It didn’t just tear me down - it disconnected me from my own needs. 

If it weren’t for the healing that I’d sought out, I wouldn’t have been able to discuss potential clinical opportunities. I began consulting with my safe people about these opportunities. 

One opportunity was an upcoming part-time maternity leave coverage in the perio world that would begin at the end of summer. I’d known the doctor during my time in the general dentistry world, often referring to their office for my patients’ needs. Having that familiarity helped, so I committed to the office knowing I’d be helping a friend and new mama transition into a new chapter. Knowing it would be a temporary arrangement. 

I told myself, this is how I will know if I need to step away from dental hygiene altogether. 

Looking back, I realize that this was such black and white way of thinking. But at that time I needed a clear sign. And these were my signs. These were my pulse-checks. I bargained with myself, if I still feel the same way about dental hygiene, then I can finish out this commitment and get back to my pursuits.

These opportunities landed during a time when I was between retainer clients and I was looking to onboard another client if it was a right fit. In total I took seven months away from the op before stepping into this short-term part-time commitment in a periodontist’s office. 

The decision to step back in the op was scary but it was also a challenge that I welcomed. 

Just as I had set my non-negotiables and boundaries with my clients, I would do the same to establish what I would and would not tolerate in a clinical setting. I had found my voice and had no issue using it if something wasn’t right. 

At this office, I was met with a support system unlike anything I'd had in my career before. I didn't have to carry anything home. My team had my back, the doctor had my back, and I fell right back into pace with instrumentation, educating, and co-diagnosing. It was a breath of fresh air.

I was working and walking in my strengths as a clinician. I returned with a completely new sense of self-worth.

Wait, this feels so right. Maybe It can be different? I found myself thinking.

I knew my time was limited but I felt so at peace knowing that hygiene could be different. I began formulating a list of clinical non-negotiables that I'd take with me to my next clinical opportunity when the maternity coverage was over.

In Part 4 - The Return I will dive into those non-negotiables and how I was finally able to step into my strengths as a clinician. I returned to the op with a clarity and connection that I hadn’t felt in a long time, and for the first time I provided that to myself rather than waiting for an employer to do it for me. 

This is part three of a four-part series titled From Slow Burn to Return - A Dental Hygienist's Journey Back to Herself. It is my journey to and through burnout as a clinical dental hygienist. All views and opinions are mine.